Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Second Chances

This is a Love Story.
And it's a little sappy, just fair warning.  I know, I'm shocked as well.

It started as a college romance.  Chris and I were in theatre school together and met doing a show.  I attacked - I mean pursued - him and wouldn't let him get away.  Only problem was I was in a relationship with someone at the time.  Chris said "no way, not until you break up with that guy".  The next day I said, "OK that's done, now what?"

We had the kind of intense love that 20 and 21 year olds do.  This was a note I left on his car back in 1995.  That HE kept.  I liked owls from way back.  Little nicknames (and "a owl" sounds cuter than "an owl") left in the same handwriting I have now freaks me out and also makes me smile.  It resides on our refrigerator now. 

Also, a Christopher when he was young is about the cutest thing ever.  You know how when you look at the man in your life and can just see the little boy?  Is there anything sweeter?  Chris has a childlike excitement for life and nostalgia that has completely infected me.  I am not sentimental or nostalgic really (partly due to the fact that I can't remember anything) but I am with him because he lets me be.

Now back to 1995. 

My family went to Cape Cod every year for a few weeks.  And Chris came with us that year.  My family has long referred to that trip as the WORST.  To say Chris and my dad didn't get along, well, that's too simple.  There was a power struggle and my dad didn't handle it well.  Chris was an asshole on that trip and so was my dad and I was completely stuck in the middle.  It was awful.  

Here we are circa 1995:

Chris and I, my parents and yes, my brother and his amazing wife (back then just kids in school).
After a year long relationship, we broke up in 1996.  I am a year older and graduated and was working as a singing server during the day and acting in the city at night while Chris was still at school.  I got extremely jealous and couldn't handle it.  I became obsessed and made him miserable with my behavior.  He in turn made me miserable and acted out as 21 year olds will do.  I will spare all the gross details, but it ended very badly. 

Chris and I both went on about our lives and didn't have any contact.  Whenever I thought of him, I was crushed and angry.  It was the relationship that had the most impact in my life. 

The quick version is I got married, became a drunk, got divorced, lost jobs, got evicted, got sober and got into other relationships and then ran outta that last relationship at the end of 2006.  Literally, ran out of the house and got my own place and was single for the first time pretty much ever. 

Chris was in relationships and even engaged at one point. He did his own version of growing up and battling some demons. 

I knew I needed to be on my own and date. Which terrified me. Nothing has scared me more than "dating".

What does one do when one doesn't go to bars to meet guys?  Why online dating of course.  So, it's 2007 and I joined Match.com.  And I was super proud of my profile and paid my $100. for a year membership and all that business.  And actually met a couple nice guys and went on a couple dates.  And it didn't kill me.  It almost did though. 
 
Then one Friday in March of 2007 I was sitting right where I am at this moment.  At my desk at work looking at my computer when an email comes in to my work email address from Chris.  I'm getting anxious just thinking about it.  I broke out in a sweat.  I got jumpy and nervous and excited and terrified all at once.
 
The email was basically this, "hey this is going to sound weird, but I was on a MSN web page and they have a "look who's new on Match.com" ad and your picture was on there and it made me want to see how you were doing".
 
I remember looking at my boss who was in that day (rare for a Friday) and projectile vomiting on him.  I can't say whether that really happened, the projectile vomiting part, but that's how I remember it.
 
I went outside to smoke as I would do at that time, and thought about how to respond.  Came back inside and basically went Super-Awkward-Aggressive-Tryingtoplayitcool Girl on his ass.  I mean, we must have exchanged 20 emails that first day.  And it was wonderful.  It was as if our best versions of ourselves met up years after our immature versions were all grown up and we could handle it now.
 
He didn't even flinch when of course I over shared and told him everything.  And yet he still asked if I wanted to get dinner and catch up.  Which we did the very next day. And of course I spent the night.  Chris and I never had any problems with chemistry, it was the emotional side of things we needed growth in.  Each of us, on our own.  And after 12 years, we had both gotten that growth we so desperately needed and were able to connect on a higher plane.  And also, he was really hot.
 
Now, the first time we met up with my parents after all this time is another projectile vomit story as well.  But now, well, my dad thinks Chris is his BFF and they both know how good we are together and tell us quite often that they see how happy Chris makes me.  And they are absolutely right.
 
Needless to say, that Match.com membership bit the dust along with my payment for one year. But it worked for me now didn't it? I would even say it worked way better than for most.

We got married in May of 2009 in Las Vegas and it was perfect.  I showed you that picture in the post from a couple days ago go here if you missed it.  And this one here is just one of my all time favorites. 

I am a lucky girl. I believe in second chances.  Not only did I get a second chance at life by getting sober, but we got a second chance at true love.  And I am so very grateful for my Christopher.  He is brilliant in many ways and in ways he is not, I am.  I actually respect him.  He is the funniest person I know.  Which I've said many times, is just about the best thing in a relationship.  He is kind and compassionate and he is on my side and I am on his.  To have that is the best feeling in the world.  Not in a million years would I have expected this to be my life.

I truly have a life beyond my wildest dreams today.  The only thing that would make it richer is a baby.  And we will get there.  Even if we don't, we have so much love in our home that we will be better than fine. We are happy. 

29 comments:

  1. This is probably one of my favorite posts of yours so far. Mainly because my Christopher makes me feel the same way.

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  2. That wasn't too sappy! I loved it. :) Of course, I'm probably the sappiest person I know. Or maybe the second sappiest after my Chris. ;)
    It's amazing to have second chances. Did Chris or I ever mention that we went to high school together, and even went to our homecoming dance as "just friends"?
    Chris did have a crush on me though. ;)
    Anyway...fast forward 16 years and we reconnected and fell in love almost instantly.

    Life can be funny that way.
    I'm so glad you got a second chance at love and that you're so happy. Chrises are pretty great guys. ;)

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  3. I laughed out loud at your projectile vomit but not really paragraph! Busted- totally not working at my desk over hear coworkers! :) I laughed and I teared up - love it!

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  4. I don't know what happened to my first comment but the part about projectile vomiting, but not really on your boss made me laugh out loud! BUSTED - I'm definitely not working over here, coworkers! :) I laughed, I teared up and I loved it! Great post!

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  5. Yay for Super-Awkward-Aggressive-Tryingtoplayitcool Girl!!! love love love it.

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  6. Am I the only freak that's going to admit they cried while reading this? Beautiful!

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  7. Wow! I am so happy for you! I know too many drunks for whom sobriety is a burden and not a blessing. I also know too many people who are hateful and judgmental toward them. Here you are embracing it and married to the love of your life. Just awesome. Seriously, you are like the poster child of "it works..." :D

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  8. Maybe there's hope for me yet! :-) Thanks for sharing your life with us!

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  9. This made me smile on a gray and rainy day here n NJ. Great post. Great couple. And this might be kind of awkward but I think I have a man crush on DH. Our little secret.

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  10. i loved reading this, and it wasn't too sappy {trust me, i'm getting close to that time of the month, so i would know}.. looking forward to reading more posts from you, and best of luck with the baby making ;) <3

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  11. This is so sweet, thanks for sharing. ♥

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  12. I love this so much. I love the photo of you two, and I love your honesty. So nice to read about another side of you I didn't know. And now. I want this to be your subtitle: Super-Awkward-Aggressive-Tryingtoplayitcool Girl

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  13. Every one of you made my day with these comments. Thanks so much. Yay love!!!

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  14. Well,I'm late with the "awww" and my happy,sappy tears but damn, that's a sweet story :-)

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  15. This was so great to read! Christopher's rock, don't they? I feel lucky that I found mine. I vote for a National Chris Day! :) But seriously, I'm so glad to see you both so happy. Cool people should breed - that's my motto. So I wish you the absolute best of luck on the next step of your journey, and no matter what - DON'T STOP LAUGHING!

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  16. Great post, Kitty! Such a sweet story. Hooray for second chances! Hooray for love! Hooray for Chrises!

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  17. I LOVE this story. I love "how we met" stories, but this one tops them all. You should write it a la The Pioneer Woman and rake in some bucks!

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  18. Love this story - I was so scared for a minute I thought he was going to be one of the people who responded to your ad and then you met up for a date and freaked out..but yours had a much happier ending! Love it!

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  19. I love this story..love it. So sweet and awesome. Happy endings are real! Yay for love!

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  20. Such a fantastic story! It's so amazing how fate steps in... I'm so glad you two got your happy ending with each other (and it's only the beginning, really).

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  21. You are one of the most awe-inspiring people that I have access to on a daily basis, much appreciated Katy...and WoooHooo yes...yay for Love!

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  22. I love this! I cried and you give me hope!!!

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  23. My most favoritest one so far. The Big Sexy & I went our separate ways twice. Having to grow up. 12 years of marriage later, I love him more than I ever thought possible. I'm so glad that you got your second chance.

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  24. Katy I'm seriously in tears over here! You guys really are awesome!

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  25. What a fantastic story! It appears that there really is a thing called love..it's not fiction? One day...

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  26. No words, just smiles & love. I even had happy tears. I love all 4 of u...AND the cats!!! Smooches, Cyn
    A.D.D.Music Mamma

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  27. waaaait are you a Buff? Just found your blog- congrats on the babies, hopefully things are settling down... recovering alcoholic feeling very grateful these days and googled that and you came up. Anyway, bye!

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