|This Marilyn statue is next to the Wrigley Building. It's huge. And I still don't know how I feel about her.|
While I was walking back from the doctor today, I saw an old (she says with all respect) woman who lived in my building walking down the street. She always had a huge smile and was cute as a button, and I was so happy to see her, I gave her a huge smile and may have scared her a bit. It was just nice to know she's still out and about and enjoying herself.
What this TILT is really about though are the feelings I had while walking through that area. From smiling to crying in one block, I realized how grateful I am for my home and my family today. I talked a bit about being homeless for a while in this Fancy Pants Big Shot post I did last week, but I don't really talk about that much as I feel like it was another lifetime for me. However, when I walk around and encounter homeless folks who clearly have many issues going on, I feel among them. They are my people. I wonder if that will ever change? I hope it doesn't, as it keeps me firmly planted in my reality.
My reality is if I drink, if I don't carefully watch my sobriety and do the things I need to do to maintain a spiritual program of health, I will lose everything and wind up homeless again. I am of these people.
I then got to thinking about my husband and our home. Our little apartment that is so full of love and fun and safety that I got teary eyed. As I go through this journey of trying to have a baby with my true love and life partner I am so filled with gratitude that I am exactly where I should be and with exactly the right and only person for me. I never had that feeling my entire life. I didn't have it with the man I married once upon a time a long time ago, and I never had it in any other relationship.
Having a roof over my head is a gift I never take for granted, not for one second. Having a home with a man who loves me so much and helps me feel that love and partnership every day, is a gift I still can't quite believe is happening to me sometimes. I know I'm worthy, it's not that I feel unworthy. I just can't quite believe that I have all of this love and security in my life. We can lose everything, and we might, any day - we just don't know. But for right now, in this moment, I am cherishing what I have and who I have and feeling such gratitude my heart is bursting.
And yes, I am a bit emotional lately. Smiles. I love every second of this life and I am so grateful I am alive to see what happens next.
|And there is my bus! But I'm going to walk a bit.|