|34 and a half weeks and OHMYGODS 34 and a half weeks! |
Don't worry - these pictures are almost done and you'll never have to see another one!
But until then, KABLAMMO.
It's likely my teeny tiny brain that always has a hard time reconciling this, but it still seems so sudden. And this time, I AM THE WOMAN. 9 months seems like a long time in some ways and in other ways, like the blink of an eye and you JUST SAW THAT WOMAN AND SHE NOW IS A MAMA HOLDING BABIES AND OH MY GODS HER LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.
As I've stated before, I am the first woman to ever be pregnant and feel these strange feelings, so bear with me. It's revolutionary, I know. HOLD ONTO YOUR BONNETS!
I am so ready to have these babies. Also? I AM NOT AT ALL READY TO HAVE THESE BABIES. I'm paralyzed by how much we haven't done to get ready. We don't have the nursery that people keep asking about (due to the tiny apartment we live in) but we do have ALL THE THINGS FOR BABIES, SO MANY THINGS. We don't have a plan in place for a nanny and when I go back to work, 5 months after Hall & Oates arrive. I keep breathing deep and thinking my little mama will be with us for the first few weeks and she knows what she's doing, thank gods. We don't have it all planned out and I'm freaking out and yet, and yet, I don't do anything to remedy the situation.
My dear sweet dumpster husband and I keep looking at each other and saying to ourselves and to each other, "IT WILL ALL BE FINE IT WILL ALL BE FINE IT WILL ALL BE FINE." Which is absolutely true. All we have to do is keep these babies alive and fed and changed and warm and nurtured and growing in a semi healthy way - both physically and mentally - and we'll all be fine. Simple really. *shakes head NOOOOO, not at all simple*
My Sponsor from day one kept saying two things to me, "more shall be revealed" and "all is well". And while I wanted to punch her in the throat for saying such nonsense, I now understand EXACTLY what she meant. If I can keep saying these two things to myself in every area of my life, it makes it so much easier. Try it. Say it and then just breathe. See? I'm not just whistlin' dixie over here.
There won't be too many more posts here with me enormously pregnant, and I know some of you are thankful for that. Most of you though have been incredibly supportive and loving and fun to strap in with me and go on this ride. And as far as the blog goes, "more shall be revealed".....see? It's true. It's evolving and it's still going to be sobriety first, babies second. And everything else in between. Life, you know?